Month: May 2018

Testimony is a powerful concept. It combines sharing the difficult parts of our story with how good has come out of it. It doesn’t always imply there is full healing. It will always be a chapter in our story- but

My favorite stories are ones of redemption and restoration. Every one of us experiences some level of pain… some level of suffering.  As a clinician, it is always an honor to step into someone else’s story and walk with them

Developing a Care Team can be a daunting task. There is a reason why the Army doesn’t give us details, SOP’s, and a cookie cutter approach to building a CareTeam. Every battalion, squadron, brigade, and troop has a different personality. 

  The Story Behind the Survey In 2010, I came across a research dissertation called “The Military Experience: Perceptions from Senior Military Officers’ Wives” by Dr. Henrietta McGowen1 that found a correlation between increased symptoms of isolation and depression in spouses as

A few weeks ago, a seasoned military spouse well into retirement asked a question that threw me: “What traditions have you and your husband created for your family?” It was a simple question to which I gave a simple answer. For Christmas

I put on my old watch today.  My normal routine is to wake up, drink a cup of coffee, or three, and then when I can’t put it off any longer, take my digital watch off its charger and start

What happens when you take a woman who serves in the shadows, who is terrified of success and who is flawed like everyone else, and thrust her into the spotlight? I have tried many times to communicate what I have

It might sound crazy, but conflict in your marriage can be a healthy sign. Two people who see the world in very different ways are never going to agree on everything. Too often, couples let marriage fighting spin wildly out

During a particularly difficult week, I scrolled through Facebook and paused on a post reporting that a local Starbucks gave out customers’ orders for free with no explanation. Baristas answered inquiries with merely “Have a wonderful day.” Even though I

I already knew I had a stellar soldier for a husband- but right then I kinda hated it.  Perhaps you have one too.  The kind of spouse that strives to be his best at everything and sets his sights on

“How do I confront my spouse’s negative behavior?” “What does it look like to be a godly wife when my husband has stopped caring?” “Is God is okay with me ending my marriage?” “How do I continue to love and serve

When I came home from my extended business trip, it was clear: My husband and our boys had together adopted a new world and language. My trip was longer than most I’ve done recently, and my husband had held down

What if we make marriage a lot harder than it needs to be? What if I told you there are a few tips for a happy marriage you can follow to easily bring intimacy and closeness back to your relationship?

When I pretended o be Wonder Woman as a kid, I focused on her superpowers, trying to mimic flying through the air and dodging bullets. But as an adult, I realized I could not truly be a fan without looking

How do you know when to separate from your spouse or when to call it quits? In almost every scenario, I tell a couple to fight for their relationship. Too often, I see couples give up. It’s one of the reasons I

We all have hope for a marriage that lasts and is fulfilling. What we often don’t expect is how hard it will be when we disagree with our spouse on important values, military marriage problems or finding ourselves moving at

It was a silly thing to fight over, especially since it was an argument about fitting as much joy as possible into a Florida Disney family vacation. I, led by my “mom-guilt,” argued that our boys had wanted to go

Let’s talk about sex. One of the most beautiful ways we love our spouses is through sexuality. It’s also one of the most emotionally complicated. Popular culture portrays it as simple, spontaneous and very uncomplicated, but I assure you most

My own awkward and painful memories of middle school flooded my mind. I had watched my son, only 12 years old and now in seventh grade, enter gracefully into a mostly civilian school mid-semester with dreams of performing in the

The parenting standoffs between my husband and me after deployment rival those that I’ve had with a two-year-old who didn’t want to put away his jacket, with a colossal impact on my marriage. Like my toddler refusing to give up

When I look back on the years of my military marriage, I see it as a bookshelf lined with memories. The deployment years are a lot like survival stories. Reintegration seems like a classic drama. There are pages with hurt,

There are two sides. Neither listen. Both are determined they are right. No, I’m not talking about politics or the tone in our country. I’m talking about marriage and military love. (But perhaps what I’m about to say could help

The gap between my husband and me felt as wide as the Grand Canyon. Desperate to give it clarity, we called each life-changing moment that had over time created it a “sacred space.” Let’s be real. After my husband’s first

I recently watched as my cousin and his new fiancée constantly held each other, looked at each other, and played “footsie” under the table. The beginning years of a relationship are filled with face-to-face moments in which the rest of

Home. I usually don’t know what to do with that word. Just as I am trying to create a “home,” I seem to be leaving it. Military couples say “home” is not where I hang my pictures, and bumper stickers

Wartime has been the guest in my home (and likely yours) that has long overstayed its welcome. Yet, as a military couple, we chose a lifestyle of service to our country that includes adding a seat at the table and

My professor set me up for success in the clinical world when I was tasked read Unspeakable Truths and Happy Endings: Human Cruelty and the New Trauma Therapy, by Rebecca Coffey.  The purpose, was to prepare us as students to

Being a military family is tough.  There are not only significant challenges, but endless resources out there to help you.  How do you know who to go to?  Who is standing up for the needs we have?  Is anyone in

If you didn’t know, I love Wonder Woman.  As a child, I zipped up my leather boots, grabbed my nylon yellow rope my Dad had in the garage and lassoed trees in the yard.  Forcing them to tell me the

One of the biggest challenges we can face as a military spouse is when our service member comes home different from deployment. Although thousands of service members return every year unscathed, even the most boring deployment causes a couple to

As a mother of two boys, moving three times in two years has been especially difficult.  I have worried that the military lifestyle will have a negative impact on their lives. Like many of you, I have held them as

Matt and I have been blessed to provide close to 35 marriage retreats since joining the Army through the Strong Bonds Program.  It is possibly our favorite thing to do.  To see families drive somewhere away from their everyday life

Recommitting can never come too late or too often.  With Spring around the corner, it reminds us that life can come out of the harshest of seasons, even when you think there is no life left.  Seasons will come in

By now, you hopefully know me well enough to trust me as I address a topic that many couples are afraid to talk about- SEX!  Although I can’t cover everything, I thought I would tackle the most common issues I

Sacred Spaces and “Not Understanding” It was the day before the packers were coming.  I had spent every day for the last two weeks cleaning out drawers and rooms while the kids and my husband were out of the house. 

According to the 2015 Annual Military Lifestyle Survey by Blue Star Families, 60% of spouses reported that employment was a top stressor in their life.  This is not surprising, as our culture of spouses includes those who want a sense

Forgiveness is easily misunderstood.  We expect it from others but struggle with giving it.  And let’s not forget the struggle with forgiving yourself!  That can be the most difficult!  The burden of shame seems much easier to carry than the