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Lifegiver

Affair/Betrayal Recovery

Lifegiver with corie weathers

It doesn't have to be over.

Betrayal can take many forms, infidelity, digital affairs, financial betrayal, pornography, etc. It can devastate you and any hopes you had for the future. If you are in the throws of betrayal, don’t make any big decisions until you check out the resources on this page. Where there’s a plan, there’s a way. Just because it feels broken right now, doesn’t mean it actually is.   

step 1: Listen

Strategy for Affair Recovery

After years of walking couples through betrayal recovery and studying with some of the world’s leading experts, I’ve simplified the 3 Phases of Affair Recovery.  Listen in and take notes.  There are some very practical steps for both of you to start moving forward TODAY. 

Learn and fill your mind with hope and strategies...

Sexual Intimacy & Post Affair with Dr. Mike

Dr. Mike Sytsma is one of the most respected Christian Sex Therapists in the US. Based out of Atlanta, his office, Building Intimate Marriages, sees mostly couples who feel sexually “incompatible” or are post-affair. Most of his post-affair couples continue on to find new hope in their marriage. In this candid interview (FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY), I ask Dr. Sytsma all the questions I believe we are often most afraid to ask, especially as it relates to military specific issues that interfere with a healthy sex life. We discuss what couples can do during and after deployments, how to protect your marriage from affairs, and what you can do to start healing if your marriage is broken because of one. You can find all of the resources Dr. Mike mentioned in the link provided. Special thank you to In-Dependent.org for allowing me to host the Military Spouse Wellness Summit 2016 where I interviewed Dr. Mike and allowing me to post this extended version of that interview here.

Restoring Trust After Deep Wounds

Restoring trust after it has been broken can be scary, confusing, and difficult to navigate.  Depending on if you are dealing small of large infractions, deep hurt in your relationship can be healed and restored.  In this episode, Matt and Corie talk about how you can ask for trust to be restored, or do the hard work to earn it back.  Even if you have been devastated by betrayal, there is hope.  Listen in and find out how. 

On the Lighter-side: Setbacks in Marriage

We all have hope for a marriage that lasts and is fulfilling. What we often don’t expect is how hard it will be when we disagree with our spouse on important values, military marriage problems or finding ourselves moving at a different pace. I haven’t met anyone who married thinking, “Gee, I don’t plan on making this last.” Setbacks can happen when we are least expecting it. An injury while training for a physical goal or a career put on hold for a relocation can be incredibly disappointing and discouraging. You may even be tempted to quit.

step 2: What do you believe?

Betrayal Challenges Even the Strongest Faith System

The biggest faith question I get during affair recovery, is how and when do I forgive?  Of course, this is a difficult question to answer depending on the damage that has been done.  Join me as I walk with you through scripture that gives us a blueprint for forgiveness and hope for restoration.  I address:

  1. What is God’s purpose and design for marriage
  2. How and why the enemy wants to destroy your marriage
  3. What Jesus says about when to forgive, and 
  4. How We are not called to repeatedly forgive without boundaries.

Faith-based Support

Betrayal and Hurt in a Christian Marriage

Every marriage will deal with sin- that is a fact. But when there are destructive patterns like betrayal, addiction, and selfish behavior, what does it actually mean to love like Christ? How do you selflessly serve when firm boundaries need to happen in your relationship? I commonly get emails that sound like this…

“How long should I pursue my spouse when they aren’t reciprocating?”

“What if my service member came home different and neglects me and our family?”

“How long must I lead before my husband picks up his role as the spiritual leader of our home?

These are tough questions and the root issue here is…

“How do we address sin in a Christian marriage?”

Here is some of what you can expect : Matt and I talk on gender roles in a godly marriage, share some of our own story of how we addressed unmet expectations in our marriage, and Matt talks to service members who have come home different and need hope

step 3: surround yourself with support

Couples with outside support, heal faster

No one should fight for their marriage by themselves.  Seek outside help using books, workbooks, counseling or coaching. 

More Resources:

• Torn Asunder by Dave Carder. There is also a workbook available for this book. (faith based)

• Unfaithful: Hope and Healing After Infidelity by Gary & Mona Shriver (faith based)

• Secrets to Surviving Infidelity by Scott Haltzman

• After the Affair by Janis Spring

  •  Rebuilding Trust Video – Using the image of a “trust bucket,” Dr. Mike addresses rebuilding trust after an affair.

Women & the Tough Bible Verses– (Topic of Submission and gender roles in the Bible- Authentic Intimacy)
People Are More Important Than Marriage– Authentic Intimacy, When you shouldn’t fight for your marriage
How do Affairs Happen? New Life Church, Brady Boyd

Articles:

So You’ve Hit a Marriage Setback: 3 Steps
Military Marriage: When to Separate
Mike Sytsma- Betrayal & Affair Recovery (articles and video)
Protecting Your Marriage from an Affair 

Books:

Mission Ready Marriage: My Life As An Active Duty Wife Claire Wood
Sacred Spaces: My Journey to the Heart of Military Marriage Corie Weathers