The Lifegiver Podcast for Military & First Responder Marriages
The Lifegiver Podcast for Service Marriages is hosted by Corie Weathers, a Clinical Military and First Responder Consultant. Corie started off her career as a licensed professional counselor serving families behind confidential doors. After a few years of working with service families, she found common themes that she wanted to address on a much bigger scale. The Lifegiver Podcast was launched as a way to start a much broader conversation. Each episode tackles a topic or interview that relates to the military and/or first responder lifestyle as well as marriage enrichment.
My favorite stories are ones of redemption and restoration. Every one of us experiences some level of pain… some level of suffering. As a clinician, it is always an honor to step into someone else’s story and walk with them from darkness into light. Healing, though I have found, is only when we evolve to a place where we can bring purpose from pain by serving someone else. That… is when we see that God can indeed bring good out of all things. “Healing, though I have found, is only when we evolve to a place where we can bring purpose from pain by serving someone else.” So… introducing Lifegiver Stories. A place where you can read and listen to real stories of other people who have seen light come out of darkness. You will not find perfection here. In fact you will hear some level of healing still to be found because perfect healing is something we will not see this side of heaven. But I guarantee, you will hear a little bit of your own story in their’s, practical steps that may help you turn a corner, and hope that light can shine out of the darkness. Would you like to submit your own Lifegiver Story? Don’t worry, it’s not as scary as you think and I will walk you through some tips on how to get it ready. Click here to get started. *I reserve the right to not publish stories that are not in line with the values of Corie Weathers, LLC and the Lifegiver Podcast. All content published is owned by Corie Weathers, LLC to be shared and used to encourage others.
In response to the growing number of “listeners” rather than “watchers”, Lifegiver returns to its audio version. In this series, I return from a recent sabbatical to talk with you about how often times, “good things” can be just as distracting as “bad things”. In a service culture, we are often tempted to help, serve, volunteer, or do “more”. What if too much of that is pulling you away from your best potential?
In this episode, I talk about the similarities and differences found between military and first responder communities and why we need to find ways to better support each other. <iframe title=’More Alike Than Different’ src=’https://www.podbean.com/media/player/2nqcg-97de6f?from=yiiadmin&download=1&version=1′ data-link=’https://www.podbean.com/media/player/2nqcg-97de6f?from=yiiadmin&download=1&version=1′ height=’122′ width=’100%’ style=’border: none;’ scrolling=’no’ data-name=’pb-iframe-player’ ></iframe>
In this interview, Jonathan and Kylie share their experience as a law enforcement couple. Jonathan is part of the Dallas Fort Worth Police Department and shares his experience navigating the chaotic schedules and adrenaline spiked work days. Kylie shares how they have navigated keeping their relationship connected and the similarities they see with the military world.
Part 1: Every marriage will deal with sin- that is a fact. But when there are destructive patterns like betrayal, addiction, and selfish behavior, what does it actually mean to love like Christ? How do you selflessly serve when firm boundaries need to happen in your relationship? Matt joins me for a 2 part episode on understanding scripture on marriage roles, submission, and dealing with sin. Part 2: Last time on the Lifegiver Podcast, Matt and I started a conversation about Christian marriage. In response to my message in Sacred Spaces that we should be pursuing our spouse, I commonly get emails that sound like this… “How long should I pursue my spouse when they aren’t reciprocating?” “What if my service member came home different and neglects me and our family?” “How long must I lead before my husband picks up his role as the spiritual leader of our home? These are tough questions and the root issue here is… “How do we address sin in a christian marriage?” -Here is some of what you can expect in Part 2: -Matt and I continue our discussion on gender roles in a godly marriage -We share some of our own story of how we addressed unmet expectations in our marriage -Matt talks to service members who have come home different and need hope.
Part 1:Wisdom with Deanie Dempsey In this sweet, but candid, interview- Deanie Dempsey shares how she and her husband kept their marriage strong after over 30 years in military service. Her husband, General Martin Dempsey was the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff- overseeing the Joint Chiefs of all branches and reporting to the president. Part 2: Wisdom with Suzie Schwartz Known in the military world as Mama Suzie, Suzie Schwartz has rightfully earned her spot as a mentor for military spouses. Her husband Norton was the Joint Chief of Staff for the Air Force and together they inspired thousands. In this candid and inspirational interview, Suzie shares her wisdom on geo-baching, marriage during a 39 year service to the military, and how she uses her message of kindness to change the world.
After presenting “The Hero’s Journey” at the The Military Spouse of the Year Town Hall in Washington, DC, many remarked that it was very helpful to their journey and wanted it available to share. Every one of us is capable of becoming our own hero as we invest in lives around us- hopefully seeing the hero in them as well.
We all have hope for a marriage that lasts and is fulfilling. What we often don’t expect is how hard it will be when we disagree with our spouse on important values, military marriage problems or finding ourselves moving at a different pace. I haven’t met anyone who married thinking, “Gee, I don’t plan on making this last.” Setbacks can happen when we are least expecting it. An injury while training for a physical goal or a career put on hold for a relocation can be incredibly disappointing and discouraging. You may even be tempted to quit. Most couples have at least one area of their relationship that they are hoping to improve or fix. Parenting, finances and even sex can lead to heated disagreements and (hopefully) deciding together on ways to get on the same page and work together. Life’s interruptions or an impulsive decision by one of you can make it feel as if you will never reach that goal. In that moment or setback, quitting feels like a very real option. Sometimes, there are very minor consequences to military marriage problems or a setback that only require a deep breath, a good night’s sleep, and starting again tomorrow. But destructive choices such as too much video gaming or pornography use by one spouse can cause even bigger consequences, including feeling like this is a major rift in your ability to be a couple. For some, the marriage is already on thin ice if you are working through serious issues such as overcoming infidelity or addiction. Destructive scenarios like these involve a more detailed process of change and support to gain traction. You may feel like the setbacks will never stop, and you will never be able to move forward. No matter what you are dealing with as a couple, whether it’s small or large, setbacks are more likely than not to happen as you work toward a new pattern of behavior for both of you. But that doesn’t mean all hope is lost. With a few tools in your pocket, you can move through them. Instead of giving up, try these three steps. 1. Hit a pause button. Learning to develop self-control and hit a pause button when things get complicated is a great practice in general. Self-control gives you the opportunity to think through what is happening, feel any feelings that are naturally there and gain perspective. Relocations and deployments are a natural interruption in the military lifestyle when everything feels out of order. Basic needs such as food, shelter and safety all take priority, and you might feel distracted from the intense focus you had as a couple. For example, if you were dependent before your move on a counselor or group for support, it will take some time to find that again. Try not to rush yourself or your spouse through what you were working through when these bumps come along. Instead, agree on a healthy timeframe to reconnect with support or resume the plan when you are both ready. Having grace for each other and getting on the same page are more important than aggressively working on the goal. If you find your spouse is not as motivated as you are, invest your energy toward your part by reading an extra book on the subject or taking a deeper look through journaling. The important thing here is that you process how you are feeling about what happened and avoid doing your spouse’s work. 2. Check your progress. The actual definition of a “setback” involves a “check in progress.” Most of us see it as a failure, but it is actually an opportunity to think through the progress you are making — or not making. In addiction recovery, we teach that relapse is not necessary for recovery but can be “part of the process” if it happens. Setbacks can provide an opportunity to take a look at the deeper issues that caused it so you can avoid similar mistakes in the future. If you move too quickly, you will miss huge revelations of yourself, your spouse and your relationship. If you are dealing with a bigger issue such as rebuilding trust, a professional counselor can help you find these answers and build greater empathy for each other. Keep in mind that stressful times such as deployment, reintegration, relocations or trauma can trigger setbacks or relapses, making them more likely to occur. If this is an intense time for your family, be graceful if the setback happened by learning more about each other and doing a good check on whether the path you were on is working. If you know you are going into an intense season, discuss ways to be proactive to prevent one. 3. Move forward. If your spouse caused your setback, it can be incredibly discouraging to think about moving forward. How many setbacks are too many before you should give up? If you are struggling with this question, finding a counselor to talk to will help you determine what is right for your family. If you caused a setback, the shame is equally debilitating. Even when you don’t feel like it, take the next healthy step forward. In recovery, there is a phrase — “fake it till you make it.” It doesn’t mean you should be inauthentic. It means you decide to take the next step even when you don’t feel like it. Eventually, your motivation will come back. Shame (in you or your spouse) spirals into an unproductive place and is not the same thing as processing the present disappointment. Sometimes, the next step is a willingness to physically reach out and hold your spouse’s hand again. Embrace that mistakes in our own lives and our spouses are part of being human. One of my favorite phrases is “start simply, but simply start” and is likely to get you going again. Every couple has military marriage problems and issues to work through, which means setbacks are going to happen. Who will you be when it happens to you?
Parenting with Small Kids Marriage can often feel like a partnership more than a marriage during the years of raising kids. So many families talk about missing the intimacy they used to have and life feeling more like survival. Sure enough, it can feel like you are more shoulder-to-shoulder during this season. In this episode, we talk about how you can make more face-to-face time with your spouse as well as find ways to be more protective of it during the parenting years. We will talk about how to handle conflict, plan dates, as well as navigate the struggle of different parenting styles. A must-listen for military and first responder couples who often feel like ships passing in the night. Here is what others have said: 1. Always make an effort to treat each other as we would a guest in our home. Common courtesy and everyday kindness makes all the difference in the world. A simple “Can I get you anything” or “Can I help with that” have kept our marriage first. 2. Staying positive is really important and although it can be challenging at times I have found it always helps us get back to that sweet spot we long for. 3. Taking even ten minutes to talk to each other. It could be at 0500 or 2200….but either way, just spend some time not on an electronic device (provided they are not thousands of miles away at the time) and asking the other person about their day. We attend Bible studies and church functions where we can grow spiritually while the kids are doing the same. As the kids get older, the minutes will be easier to turn into hours. But for the very small and precious time the kids are little, my best advice is to make the most quality out of the little bits of time. Bullying: It’s Not Just Kids Anymore Bullying is a worldwide epidemic that impacts both children and adults. In today’s culture, we see cyber-bullying impacting adults like never before. Divisive conversations over social media, trolling, and mean-ness is causing people to think twice about staying connected online. During this episode in the parenting series, I sit down with Dr. Bina Patel an expert in workplace dynamics, conflict mediation with women, and conflict mediation between culture/religious groups. Dr. Patel offers strategies you can use in your workplace, volunteer circles and with your kids on how to confront bullies and build confidence. In today’s culture, ♣ 30% of teens in the US have experienced bullying ♣ School bullying: 1 in 4 kids at school have been bullied; 160K kids in the US miss school due to bullying ♣ Gay bullying: 2 to 3times more likely to commit suicide and 30% of all completed suicides have been related to sexual identity crisis in the US. ♣ 9 out of 10 LGBT students have reported being bullied at school within the past year. It’s not just for kids, though. Bullying between adults can make the workplace difficult to walk into each day. While many of us grew up being told to ignore a bully, Dr. Patel offers some ways to confront the bully immediately. Dr. Patel offers us an inspiring way to help our children build their self-esteem, find their words, get to the root of their feelings, and become assertive. Of course we all need a little bit of this too! Here are a few tips and resources that Dr. Patel offered: ♣ Confront the bully: don’t ignore it. Turn the negative into a compliment ♣ Love and respect: be confident and love yourself. If you respect yourself, the negativity and harsh words of the bullying will bounce off of you. – you control your own emotions, if you believe that you do, others will not be able to hurt you. ♣ Tell them to stop: point out they’re hurting you (assertive communication) – use the “put yourself in my shoes” technique. ♣ Silence: specific to online bullying- confront them through assertive communication, but do not continue the dialog. This is more harmful to the victim as others are reading it and it is set in writing. Note: if nothing else works, the silent treatment is the best treatment. As the victim, walk away from the bullying. ♣ Online bullying: block posts, delete the posts, report them to Facebook; reach out to the victim either via separate/private message, or stand up for the victim by responding to a bully’s post (assertive communication). Note to Parents: Know your child – know their behaviors, moods, and what makes them tick/happy. If you are cognizant of their behaviors on a normal basis, you will know that something is wrong if your child does not eat, becomes withdrawn, looks sad, etc. Monitor the social media outlets that your child may be using. It is wise to create an account to monitor them, more so that you are aware if someone is bullying them. Be a friend! When your child is depressed, sad, withdrawn, etc, talk them as though you are friends. It is important so that the child feels comfortable they can tell you what is on their mind. One of the books recommended: Confessions of a Former Bully Parenting Teens with Pam Brummett On this episode of Lifegiver, I sit down with my good friend Pam Brummett who has raised three fantastic kids, two of them still in high school. It turns out the military doesn’t ruin your kids 🙂 Win-Win Parenting In this final episode in the Parenting series we are talking about how to apply Steven Covey’s Win-Win habit of 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families to parenting. Trying to get your kids to do chores can be a chore itself often leaving you feeling you are on the losing end. As kids get older, they start wanting to find ways of being on the winning end as well. Win-Win can help you both feel successful while your kids are motivate by their freedom to choose what they do. I also take some time to talk about how teens develop and how you can better understand what is motivating your teen to find his or her peer group or apply themselves to their school work.
Lifegiver is BACK with an all new episode! Welcome to 2017! I’ve returned from a sabbatical and have been thinking a lot about compassion fatigue and burnout. No doubt that I have seen this in my own life, but what if it is a bigger problem than we realize in our community? If you are burned out from volunteering or giving all of your compassion away to the outside world- you are not alone. In this episode, we will talk about how to know if you are struggling with compassion fatigue and ways you can get yourself back on track and healthy again. It is a big problem, especially if you have nothing left to offer your marriage or family. Military and First Responders have the most difficult time saying “NO” when their entire world revolves around service.
Dr. Mike Sytsma is one of the most respected Christian Sex Therapists in the US. Based out of Atlanta, his office, Building Intimate Marriages, sees mostly couples who feel sexually “incompatible” or are post-affair. Most of his post-affair couples continue on to find new hope in their marriage. In this candid interview (FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY), I ask Dr. Sytsma all the questions I believe we are often most afraid to ask, especially as it relates to military specific issues that interfere with a healthy sex life. We discuss what couples can do during and after deployments, how to protect your marriage from affairs, and what you can do to start healing if your marriage is broken because of one. You can find all of the resources Dr. Mike mentioned in the link provided. Special thank you to In-Dependent.org for allowing me to host the Military Spouse Wellness Summit 2016 where I interviewed Dr. Mike and allowing me to post this extended version of that interview here.
Who would have ever thought that we needed help with making friends? In the military, we have to make them quickly. In the first responder world, they are necessary to get through daily chaos. In both worlds, they are crucial to survival but did you know that we need to be working on this area of our life? According to Shasta Nelson, author of Frientimacy, we can’t just tell someone our life story and suddenly be BFF’s. In this episode, Shasta will explain the process of friendship and the importance of understanding just how deep and intimate the relationship actually is. What if you are more serious about the friendship than they are? What if you are incompatible? Can we be friends with the opposite sex?
Dr. Parrott is a New York Times Best Selling Author along with his wife Leslie Parrott, a marriage and family therapist. In 1991, the Parrotts founded the Center for Relationship Development on the campus of Seattle Pacific University – a groundbreaking program dedicated to teaching the basics of good relationships. The Parrotts have been featured in USA Today and the New York Times. Their television appearances include CNN, The View, The O’Reilly Factor, The Today Show and Oprah. As #1 New York Times best-selling authors, their books have sold over two million copies in more than two dozen languages, and include best-selling and Gold-medallion winner Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. Other popular titles include Real Relationships, L.O.V.E., The Parent You Want To Be, Trading Places, The Complete Guide To Marriage Mentoring and Love Talk. Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott In this interview, I talk with Dr. Parrott about his 4 myths of marriage and how they might apply specifically to military families.
In this incredibly moving interview, Taya Kyle opens up about her marriage to the love of her life Chris Kyle. Chris was tragically murdered during the filming of American Sniper, forcing Taya to find a way to move forward with the legacy he was building while mourning his loss. Today, Taya continues to carry out that legacy by investing in military and first responder marriages through the Chris Kyle Frog Foundation. CKFF offers Date Night Out’s, Revitalization Retreats for couples, Spouse Retreats, and more. During the 2016 Military Spouse Wellness Summit, Taya shared her wisdom about marriage, perspective on military deployments, what she believed Chris needed from her, as well as how faith has played a role in her moving forward. – If you are married… this episode is for you. – If you have lost someone… this episode is for you – If you are going through a difficult season… this episode is for you – If you are wondering where God is…this episode is for you – If you are looking for hope… this episode is for you This extended interview includes additional questions about her faith, her perspective on the Sacred Spaces of her life being made extremely public, and more. For more information on the Chris Kyle Frog Foundation: www.chriskylefrogfoundation.org
Does it seem strange to you that it is healthy to have boundaries in marriage? This comes as a surprise to many. Why would I want to have boundaries? Shouldn’t we share everything? Couples without boundaries run the risk of becoming enmeshed, chaotic, and not knowing who is responsible for what. I could not be more excited to share this interview with you. I have been a huge fan of Dr. John Townsend for a long time. Often times, the issues I see in the counseling office come down to boundaries- or a lack of. I have recommended his books to more people than I can count. I have seen so many, including me, go on to find freedom and increased connectedness in relationships from learning how to have healthy boundaries. If you were not able to attend the Military Spouse Wellness Summit put on by InDependent.org and sponsored by Armed Forces Insurance, never fear. I am pleased to offer you 5 of the most outstanding interviews from the Summit, uncut, and including additional questions just for the Lifegiver audience. As I take a brief sabbatical, I hope you will enjoy these interviews with fantastic guests like Taya Kyle, Dr. Leslie Parrott and more. Sit back, grab a cup of coffee, and join me with Dr. John Townsend. Books recommended from today’s interview: Boundaries Series: Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No-To Take Control of Your Life Boundaries in Marriage Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, to Help Your Children Gain Control of Their Lives The Entitlement Cure: Finding Success in Doing Hard Things the Right Way
The power of our words is absolutely necessary to us understanding our influence in the relationships around us. In my year of becoming more intentional in my marriage, I have been thinking more about what it means to pay attention to the words that I speak over my marriage and family. For some of you, the idea of a “Blessing” sounds like something from an old country church or maybe something that doesn’t happen anymore. What I want to tell you in today’s podcast is that our words have an incredible impact in what the people around us think of us, of themselves, and their identity. Today’s episode is all about the month of November inviting us to be more grateful, especially as we are entering a season of family and often the tension it brings. Sit back, grab a cup of coffee, or maybe go for a run and let’s talk more about the power of the words we use and the words said to us.
We all likely remember our first move in the military. Filled with doubt, excitement, adventure, and fear- we learn to navigate the new community, acronyms, and the importance of that ID card. In this raw interview, Claire Wood shares her story that she recounts in her book: Mission Ready Marriage: My Life as An Active Duty Wife. Claire could not be more vulnerable as she shares the anxiety of leaving everything and everyone she knew to start a new adventure with her husband as an Army Wife. Deployment was tough, but reintegration was tougher. Many of us wish we had the guts to be as honest as Claire is as she shares her confusion with wanting to be reunited with her soldier, but struggling with the independence required by spouses during deployment. In Claire’s fantastic book, she not only tells her personal story, but includes reflections on what she and her husband needed and how God has brought purpose out of her challenges and victories. You will not want to miss this one and you will definitely want to share it with someone who is going through their first deployment and reintegration.
If you have kids, you don’t want to miss this episode. My kids have been begging to be a part of the Lifegiver Podcast, and I thought it would be a great idea to interview them on what it is honestly like to be a military kid. Aidan is 12, and in his second year of middle school. Jackson is 9, and in 4th grade. We sat down for an unscripted interview where I encouraged them to be honest about their life and experiences, both the good and the bad. They share some of their struggles and successes, so you will definitely want to let your kids listen. This is a great one to listen to while in the car and then talk about it at the dinner table later. Dinners together as a family have shown in research to be one of the biggest keys to a successful, connected family. While at dinner, ask your kids what their thoughts were about the podcast, what they identified with, agreed with, or disagreed with. Special thank you to Kelly Keseecker’s son Carter for his courageous Shout Out and Janine Boldrin from, Chameleon Kids Magazine, for hers as well. You can find out more about Chameleon Kids Magazine, the only magazine for military kids, by military kids, here.
Sacred Spaces 1: PTSD Sacred Spaces: My Journey to the Heart of Military Marriage comes out August 1 and will be available where most books are sold (Barnes & Noble, Amazon, etc). In celebration of the launch, I wanted to do a podcast series called the Sacred Spaces Series. During this series, I will be talking about common themes our service members and spouses go through during deployments, separations, as well as reintegrations. There will be interviews with key people from the book that shared sacred spaces with Matt and I as well as those I met during the trip with the secretary of defense. There will also be an interview with Matt where we talk about how Sacred Spaces can make a difference in your marriage. So, what is a Sacred Space? I will talk about that in this episode, but here is an easy definition: Many of us, spouses and service members, experience Sacred Spaces separately during trainings and deployments. After a while, it can feel like we are living independent lives more than a together life. This creates many opportunities for misunderstanding and disconnect. In this episode, I wanted to talk about what you can do if your service member comes home with mild, moderate, or severe changes from deployment. I will also address how you can care for yourself so that you can give your best to your marriage. More than anything, I want your marriage to succeed. Because of that, I am inviting you to join the Sacred Spaces Campaign. The Campaign is simple, I just want you to be intentional in your marriage. Only you know what your relationship needs right now. Only you know what the next step is. The Sacred Spaces Campaign invites you to take three steps: 1. Order and read the book Sacred Spaces. It is my story of how being intentional made a difference in my marriage 2. Join the Sacred Spaces Campaign by committing to be intentional. You will get a FREE Sacred Spaces Intentional Marriage Challenge Commitment Card that will help you identify your intentional commitment, nail down the length of time you want to try it out, as well as encourage accountability to follow through. 3. Share your story. Our stories are powerful, and so will yours be. If your service member came home different… if your marriage is different… you are not alone. Sacred Spaces 2: A Roundtable with 3-61 Sacred Spaces 3: Amanda Marr We are in the middle of our Sacred Spaces Series on the Lifegiver Podcast and today’s interview is a special one. Those of you who have read Sacred Spaces will remember Amanda Marr as the Gold Star Widow I have the honor of serving back in 2009. One of my most Sacred Spaces from that deployment, Amanda joins me on the podcast to have an honest discussion on what it was like to receive notification of her soldier’s death, how she took care of herself, and her process to where she is now. This is an inspiring podcast for any listener. Amanda shares her honest thoughts on what makes a Care Team successful as well as tips she has learned about marriage now that she is remarried to an Army soldier. You will be empowered, encouraged, and gain new perspective on your own marriage. Amanda Marr (left), Maria Cordova, Corie Weathers, Venessa Adelson (Gold Star Mother) at White House Medal of Honor Ceremony If you have not read Sacred Spaces, order now! Hundreds are already talking about how my story of being intentional in my marriage is inspiring them to do the same. If you have enjoyed Sacred Spaces, I’d love to hear about it! Join the Sacred Spaces Campaign, by committing to be more intentional in your own marriage. It is simple and free and you will receive a FREE Commitment Card to help you walk through your commitment. Sacred Spaces 4: An Update on Being Intentional Today’s episode is unpolished and raw- well maybe not emotionally- but definitely unpolished. I want to give updates on how life has been since coming out with the book as well as how living intentionally has changed me as a person and my relationship. I will talk through how you can join the campaign and create lasting changing in your own marriage as well as exciting updates on interviews coming soon! Part 5: New Vision and Questions Answered It’s another episode of Lifegiver and I am here to announce some really fun changes and new updates. Some of you said you would love to have access to webinars and various forms of media, so today I am pleased to offer two versions of the podcast. Today is all about the new vision of Lifegiver and it shouldn’t be a surprise to most of you.